


rotten work

by MaximillianDelirium



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Almost Kiss, Angst, M/M, Pining, Pre-Zero Requiem, no beta we die like men, partially inspired by that one official CLAMP piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:29:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27996801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaximillianDelirium/pseuds/MaximillianDelirium
Summary: Lelouch is difficult to love.
Relationships: Kururugi Suzaku/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia
Comments: 22
Kudos: 90





	rotten work

**Author's Note:**

> i watched all of code geass in approximately a week and have a lot of incoherent feelings. i have rarely, if ever, written for a property that's this popular so pwease be nice to me T^T

Lelouch is difficult to love. Suzaku knows Lelouch is aware of this. He revels in it sometimes. _You must be looking forward to finally getting rid of me._

_Not really,_ Suzaku says in reply. _You won’t make it easy._

Even before the idea of Zero Requiem, Suzaku knew killing Lelouch would hurt. Even at his angriest, it would have been like cutting out a part of himself. That’s Suzaku’s problem; only someone with a soul as warped as his would feel this way about Lelouch after everything he’s done. So many people have—rightly—abandoned him. They are, for the most part, good people.

Suzaku tried being good, tried being noble, but maybe that’s not who he is.

_You_ are _noble, Suzaku,_ Lelouch tells him. _A noble fool with no sense of self-preservation. You’re lucky I took care of the second part for you. There’s still hope._

_When you die, does the geass stop working?_

Lelouch doesn’t have an answer. Suzaku doesn’t know what he wants. He has to keep living anyway—for the world and for Nunnally. Does it matter if Lelouch’s curse lingers? He’ll be haunted either way. But the cry from deep within his psyche for Lelouch to leave Suzaku just one more piece of himself persists.

They’re constantly together these days, excepting the times Suzaku is deployed. It is both agonizing and exhilarating to be at Lelouch’s side. To be both his sword and his confidant. His protector and his willing instrument.

Suzaku was re-knighted before they made their public debut. It was a private affair, more of a promise between them than a formal ceremony. It wasn’t as if they needed the nobles in attendance to reaffirm Suzaku’s knighthood. They did it on the island, Suzaku kneeling in the sand, Lelouch accepting his sword.

_Is this necessary?_ C.C. asked.

Lelouch touched the blade to each of Suzaku’s shoulders. _It’s our contract._

_Yes,_ Suzaku agreed. He raised his hand to take back the sword.

Lelouch held it blade-first toward Suzaku. Suzaku carefully studied his expression, wondering if Lelouch expected him to bleed to prove his loyalty. But there was no mockery or coldness in Lelouch’s eyes. Behind the glowing red of the geass was a shudder of doubt. In that moment, Suzaku remembered that Lelouch was not an untouchable god.

Suzaku delicately took the blade and brought it to his lips. He kept his gaze locked with Lelouch’s. _I am your sword._

And the uncertainty in Lelouch’s eyes had yielded.

They sit by the water, reminiscing. Lelouch reminds Suzaku how much he disliked Lelouch when they met. _I resented you, too,_ he admits. _I thought Nunnally and I were your family’s hostages. Not that it was your fault._

Suzaku smiles. _And it wasn’t your fault that your father pushed you on us. I learned to like you eventually._

_That was a mistake,_ Lelouch says. He turns a smooth pebble between his fingers. Suzaku has noticed Lelouch fidgets when he’s thinking. _You had to learn to hate me again._

Suzaku reaches over and takes the pebble from Lelouch’s hand. His gloves do nothing to dampen his awareness of Lelouch’s uncalloused palm or the heat of his skin.

_No,_ Suzaku says. He bends and kisses the center of Lelouch’s hand. _I was still learning to love you._

Lelouch is silent. He curls his fingers inward, as if Suzaku’s kiss is something he can hold.

Suzaku lets him go. He looks up at Lelouch’s face, his heart beating as steadily and calmly as the lake against the shore. He sees the boy behind the mask of the Demon Emperor, behind the mask of Zero. Lelouch and Lelouch and Lelouch.

_You should say that to someone who deserves to hear it,_ Lelouch says. He says it as if it could possibly wound Suzaku. As if it would sway the direction of his heart. He might as well try to change the positions of the planets. (Could he do that? Suzaku wonders.)

_That’s my decision,_ Suzaku says. _I chose you._

The wind stirs the grass and their hair, as well as the loose hem of Lelouch’s formal robes. He either fails or doesn’t bother to disguise the longing in his expression. He places his palm against Suzaku’s cheek, and Suzaku leans into his touch. Lelouch draws closer, as if to kiss him, but he only hovers, his forehead pressed to Suzaku’s.

Lelouch is difficult to love, and Suzaku supposes that so is he.


End file.
